Falling in Love With Life Again

By KM Huber

Of late, I have had many opportunities to tell people how much I love my life. Mine is not a life most would want. It would seem understandable that I daydream about taking trips, “flying away.”

I do not, even now.

The first time I noticed that I loved my life was at dawn in an airport parking lot on the day of a trip I had planned for months. I was removing luggage from my PT Cruiser. As I closed the hatchback, I realized I did not want to go.

Then, I was still relatively healthy. Yes, I dealt with chronic illness and had been for decades but I managed. I did not feel ill—well, no more than usual. I never acknowledged my lupus.

Mentally, I ticked off a list of possible reasons for my reluctance to go but none stuck. Then, a very clear voice inside my head acknowledged, “I love my life.” I thought nothing of it until just recently.

That morning was the beginning of my transformation, of my letting go of a mindset, a way of life. In the next ten years, lupus would confine me more and more to my home. Many would think my world grew smaller.

It did not. It transformed.


Transformation occurs in its own time—patience is essential–but the benefits are life-changing, literally. I find I am more present in each moment. I do not want to miss any of the unfolding of any day so I am less likely to pay attention to mindset. There is so much new to explore.

Still, the mind prefers calling up the tried and true of old, a series of steps followed again and again until they are, well, set, as if in concrete. Mindsets are the known, limited in effect and thus, predictable, perhaps even stagnant.

Yet, I do not believe that a mindset is without its worth. Not at all. Rather, it is our own bank of experience. Mindset makes us who we are.

Mindset is what we bring to the moment we meet transformation. We have a choice: same-old, same-old secure or the unknown of transformation.

“Patience, grasshopper” is a line I have met many times these last years  yet sit I did and do still. My impatience is less for I found that in being patient, one finds forgiveness, the ability to let go of the debt that accrues from all regret. It is the way to open one’s heart to all.

Not surprisingly, I returned often to a favorite quote. Forgiveness is the “fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Though often attributed to Mark Twain (since the 1970s), it seems its present form is a compilation of phrases from centuries past.

No doubt the thought stays with us for forgiveness is such a struggle.

There is a firm delicacy in a violet petal forgiving the heel that crushes the life out of it. Soon, the fragrance dissipates but it lingers just longer than life. That is forgiving the debt of regret.

The fragrance reminds that in forgiveness we are transformed–a mindset shattered for what is yet to come with no regret of what has been.

Transformation requires we accept every step we have ever taken; it requires we acknowledge every action or decision, given or received. None can be undone. All steps are ours to own, to accept, and to release.

As always, forgiveness—a journey deep and often dark—begins within us. We cannot offer to others what we do not give to ourselves. In the moment we accept all that we have been, we release the fragrance of forgiveness.

We focus not on what crushes us but on what releases us.

What is releasing my lupus is acupuncture. In this past week, my acupuncturist felt all of my pulse points for the first time. That means more movement than stagnation, a way of life—a mindset—is breaking up.

Transformation offers what has never been. If not a new body, literally, then a body and a being “falling in love with life, again”–similar to that morning in the airport parking lot but completely different.


KM Huber is a writer who learned Zen from a beagle. She believes the moment is all we ever have, and it is enough. In her early life as a hippie, she practiced poetry, and although her middle years were a bit of a muddle, she remains an overtly optimistic sexagenerian, writing prose. She blogs at kmhubersblog.com, may be followed on Twitter @KM_Huber or contacted by email at writetotheranch[at]gmail[dot]com.

© 2015 KM Huber. All content on this page is protected by copyright. If you would like to use any part of this, please contact me at the above links to request permission.


We Fund Your Projects! We have Off Market Closed Sale Properties and Revenue Generating Businesses for Sale! kellencapital.com

Get the Funding Your Business Needs! AmeriFunding.Net Get Business Cash Now! amerifunding.net

What Next?

Related Articles